Friday, July 5, 2013

UtopYA: Growing Pains of a Free Spirit

What they say about growing pains is true.  The adolescent body stretches upward in an effort to reach its full potential - a healthy, sturdy miracle of bones, muscle, and blood.  This ever so slight stretching of cells requires a steady stream of unabated persistance laced with strands of fearless indiscretion.  But what happens when its our mind growing?  Our hearts?  Our souls?  Can we feel it?  Does it hurt?  Is there a slight tugging in the pit of your stomach that signals a shift in your being?  If you dig deep and allow your soul to speak to you - really speak to you - you can feel it.  You can hear the chime of your heartstrings as they become taut with the pressure of true growth.

For me this chiming of heartstrings signals a piece of myself shifting and morphing into something brighter, stronger, and wiser.  That chosen piece sheds its skin, giving way to a new beginning.  One armed with hope, contentment, and strength.  Piece by piece the shards of my heart and soul are reborn and given the chance they truly deserve.  This past year I've barely been able to keep up with the constant shfiting and growth within myself.  I've become accustomed to that small vibration in the pit of my stomach thrumming with apprehension and excitement.  It dances joyfully; awaiting the metamorphosis. 

This past weekend was no different.  What, you say, could possibly cause this amount of jubilation and evolution?  UtopYA.  Apart from the amazing people, new information, and all around awesomeness; I experienced acceptance.  Not from the people you think though...  It was slightly disconcerting and far more intimdating to have readers and other authors giddy with excitement at the opportunity to meet me.  But this acceptance was not visible to anyone but me.  The little voice in the back of my mind that enjoys mocking my crazy imagination, dark visions, and endless dreams was quieted for the first time in my life.  It gazed outward - into the eyes of an entire mass of people who share my love of words, who understand why I stay up until 3am to finish writing that last chapter, who can relate to the closeness I feel to my imaginary characters. 

But most importantly I was surrounded by more than 300 people who share my ability to stare fear and self-doubt in the face...and give it the middle finger.  People who never hesitate to push through that fear to acheive their dreams.  I know that sounds hokey and a little dramatic, but there there are the people who talk about chasing your dreams, talk about not giving up, talk about confronting rejection.  And then there are the people that don't give their fears a second glance.  Instead they arm themselves with sarcasm, imaginations, and downright craziness before riding into the abyss.  The difference is the knowledge that the abyss only looks scary from the outside.  It only seems dark from the outside.  Once you take that mental leap and step inside - an entire new world is laid at your calloused, tired feet.

So although I learned priceless knowledge about the industry and promotions and blogs and pricing - I brought home something even better.  The acceptance that I am truly special and there is no one else in this world exactly like me.  No one else who is able to share MY experiences and beliefs through the beautiful art of writing.  No one who knows what I've been storing for years - piece of me waiting for the opportunity to materialize via words.  And I've decided it's time for the world to read them.


Anonymous said...

What a great post and you are very special Kristen. :) as always love your posts :)

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