Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Escape

Why do people write?  Why do I write?  That’s a loaded question, but one I’ve been thinking about.  I write for a lot of reasons, but there is one in particular that’s been bubbling up to the surface lately.  It’s pretty simple really. I want to make people feel emotions they would otherwise be scared to feel in their own lives; good and bad.  If I can offer a safe, imaginary world for the reader to escape; one where they are free to feel every emotion that each scene provokes and search their own hearts as they go through the characters’ struggles and triumphs, maybe it will help them back in reality.  It might be a pipe dream, but for some reason it’s one that continues to motivate me.  So, I wanted to share something with everyone that I wrote a couple of years ago.  It’s from my own personal journal and touches on some of my own struggles…

The familiar comfort of depression falls upon my soul.  Blanketing my world with a quilt of numbness. Stitched with the fabric of my pain, it mimics sanity while my heart and soul grow weary beneath its heavy embrace.  The protective barrier built long ago to save me in every way, is never far beneath the surface.  But within its arms, I can’t reach the tools I need to cope.  My pain is quieted, my worries suppressed, and my mind goes blank.  As the wall springs skyward, my feelings are untouchable.  They are instantly disconnected from my reality and therefore exist as separate entities bound only by a silver thread of resistance.  They drift in a current of strength, circulating but never facing their origin.  I must confront this wall of strength in my heart – my weakness must prevail if I am to cope.  The strength and need of depression is neither warranted nor welcome.  Its immediate presence invokes the knowledge that something is just below the surface, needing to escape.  Needing to be listened to, healed, and comforted.  But until I can let go and allow weakness and acceptance to foster, I will lose myself once again to the brutal forces of my own defenses. 


Anonymous said...

Thank you...I needed this right now. I needed to be reminded that it's ok to feel and, like you, the numbness gets me nowhere I really want to be.

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